


Off with your head

by HalewynsLady



Category: Alice in Wonderland (1999), Sleepy Hollow (1999)
Genre: Death of the reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalewynsLady/pseuds/HalewynsLady
Kudos: 3





	Off with your head

This fic was inspired by the Disney princesses group pictures you often see on Disney merchandise. The happy pink pictures of the princesses all dressed up enjoying garden parties, tea time etc. together.

Miranda Richardson characters should have such pictures :) Imagine the fun they would have.

I am keeping this simple. Only two lovely ladies for this party.

/

Imagine a small wooden book. It consists of no more than five pages, counting cover and backside. The text has been kept to an absolute minimum and has been printed in clear bold letters. It is the kind of book that is usually made out of cardboard. The kind you read to little children. They hear your voice, watch the pretty drawings and bite the thick pages.

But this is no toddler's book. This is a political caricature.

Someone pushed it secretively into your hand. You find a quiet spot in the garden where no one will catch you reading it.

This is the story depicted in the booklet.

The Queen of Hearts was in a foul mood, as is usual. Her shrill voice resounded through Wonderland, terrifying all inhabitants who had not forsaken the ability to fear. She demanded more 'dignified' – her mouth curled around the word as if it was the first time it tasted this intelligent multisyllabled word. It probably was. – company.

She had invitations sent. Most went lost. The letters were scribbled down by trembling illiterate rodents and delivered by flying kiwis, who secretly could not fly. They ran into every direction and preferably into each other.

As if by a wonder, for where else can one find wonders than in Wonderland, one letter arrived at its proper destinion. A servant picked it up from the doorstep and handed it to the lady of the house.

Being married to Baltus van Tassel Mary had developed the talent of deciphering any chicken scratch. This particular chicken had known how to spell and the message itself made enough sense for Mary to know that she was expected at a fancy party.

What she did not know was that there was a death penalty on not coming. She, for one, would never find out. She was curious and decided to attend.

The way to Wonderland was not difficult. All you needed was a little madness. The lady van Tassel had madness to spare.

Once inside it was a simple matter of logic, elegant but vigorous threatening and following the sound of Queenly screams.

Mary Van Tassel was standing idly by as the Queen concentrated on her highly professional swing. They were playing. Croquet, of course. Lady van Tassel's face did not hide that she was unmistakably and utterly bored. She was resting her mallet to her leg as if to cure an itch by stroking her ankle with it.

The Queen of Hearts missed the goal. - By accident of the cards or a rebellious hedgehog, it is not known. - Violent red colours on this page. The image shows the Queen of Hearts reduced to a screaming toddler in an enormous dress. Lady Van Tassel, as you see, has moved behind her. Her stick is raised as she is about to take hér swing. It can be clearly seen that her mallet is in fact an axe.

She did not miss.

The book circulated amongst the court of cards, to which you sadly belong. One unfortunate day during tea time the Queen of Hearts confiscated it from the ever unfortunate Jack.

She was not amused.

All who had read it were executed, sorry dear reader, and the book -that had been designed exactly to withstand these angry outbursts- did not survive her tantrum.


End file.
